This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
