we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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