i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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