I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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