Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish i was in the wii world.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
