I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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