I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
