This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
