My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
