Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
