All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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