I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
