Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
