question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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