You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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