My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
