It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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