I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
