There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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