can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
