guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
