is wine microwaveable?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
