Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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