Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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