I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
These tits shall not be calmed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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