that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize