You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
