im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.