There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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