I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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