IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
