yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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