Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
