you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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