so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
