if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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