Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
