you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
