Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
