So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
