she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
