do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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