Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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