Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
