I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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