weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
