I must be too annoying 4 u.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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