im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
