i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the day after is always just damage control
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
