I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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