I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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