i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
