My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can't motorboat a personality
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders