this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.