Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.