Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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