If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
