We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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