Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
