i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
