I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
