Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
