wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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