Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
