Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
