it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just had sex bonerless
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
