My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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