My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
