you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
