I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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